| DEADLY WEAPONS YEAR: 1974 RATED: UNRATED RUN TIME: 75 MINS DIRECTOR: DORIS WISHMAN STARRING: CHESTY MORGAN, HARRY REEMS, RICHARD TOWERS, SAUL METH MY RATING: 2.5/5 CATEGORY: REVENGE You ask me, when folks’ve started referring to ‘em as weapons, you’ve officially gone from making a skin flick right on down to the freakshow. And what a freakshow. Deadly Weapons is the first (filmed) union of two of the most unique women of seventies softcore cinema - the ever-busty Chesty Morgan (in all her 73 FF glory) and the originator of the nudist camp movie boom, Doris Wishman - and is filled with everything you’d expect from those two icons of softcore sleaze. We’re talking Chesty’s massive rack bouncing through most of the movie, Wishman’s obsession with filming people’s feet (and door casings, and shower screens, and coffee cups, and pretty well anything not associated whatsoever with whatever scene she’s currently working on), bad stripteases, worse voice dubbing, double crosses, eye patches, scarred criminals, and a hackneyed revenge/mobster setup that’d only ever work if it was filled with massive heaving funbags at every possible moment… The only real downside to these Morgan/Wishman outings (despite the expected lack of quality and poor filmmaking usually associated with any Doris did) is that Chesty just doesn’t hold the same kind of appeal as many of the other busty starlets of the time. Let’s face it fiends, Chesty is no Pam Grier (or Erica Gavin for that matter – heck, I’d even place her lower than Uschi Digard despite having the cure for world hunger hanging off the front of her). Course, none of that’s gonna matter too awful much for most viewers of Deadly Weapons (who probably aren’t gonna be like us weirdos sporting an encyclopaedic knowledge of seventies drive-in boobs) who’re gonna be there for two reasons – Chesty Morgan… Scenes To Look Out For: - Teardrops running down Chesty Morgan’s massive rack as she laments over her dead boyfriend – who ever said Doris Wishman couldn’t film a classy scene to save her life? - Ok, was that just bad camerawork or did Chesty’s boobs just have a flashback to being pushed into a pool? Goddamn, that’s gotta be the worst recovered memory (or is it mammory?) setup since the dog in The Hills Have Eyes 2 started fantasizing about biting Michael Berryman on the ass. - Smothered by tits – I can think of a lot worse ways to meet your maker fiends. And, while we’re on the subject, was Chesty kinda getting off murdering that guy with her bongos or what? Say what you will about her place in drive-in history, but that was one kinky chick. The Story: After her double dealing mobster boyfriend is killed by his underworld cronies, Chesty Morgan goes on a one woman (and two boob) mission of revenge to take down the men who turned her idyllic life into a nightmare of sleazy strip joints and lace underpants. Course, most of that consists of wondering around half nekkid, getting felt up, stripping, and seducing folks until she’s able to unleash her “deadly weapons” against ‘em, but hey, one man’s revenge is another man’s Friday night. And I mean a good Friday night. Not exactly I Spit on your Grave (and that’s saying something), but Deadly Weapons’ story still plays out pretty well considering it’s mostly just an excuse to film bouncing boobs and so-so striptease scenes for about 80 minutes. After Shocks: If you’re a fan of the two woman show behind Deadly Weapons there’s a damn good chance you’ll enjoy the flick no matter how ridiculous it is. Non-fans of the Chesty/Doris juggernaut however won’t have much to see here as, again, it just doesn’t hold the same kind of appeal as many similar movies from the era do. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chesty as much as the next guy (maybe even a little more), but when you’re trying to justify tits being that fucking big the movie kind of loses something. At any rate I’m gonna call it a 2.5 out of 5 – a decent softcore outing for Chesty (who only did two other films of this sort for those wondering) and one of Doris Wishman’s better movies. |
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