| HARD TICKET TO HAWAII YEAR: 1987 RATED: R RUN TIME: 96 MINS DIRECTOR: ANDY SIDARIS STARRING: RON MOSS, DONA SPEIR, HOPE MARIE CARLETON MY RATING: 4/5 CATEGORY: ACTION Hard Ticket to Hawaii – the one with the mutant snake. Just when you thought the guns n’ gals cinema of Andy Sidaris couldn’t possibly get anymore badass they go and throw a deadly mutant snake into the mix. That’s the good news. The bad news is that the breast count went way down in this one (and not just in quantity). Actually, it’s a little known scientific fact (known only to reviewers and writers of drive-in cinema) that any increase in incidents of snakes (mutant or otherwise) is directly related to the decrease in incidents of exposed breasts (again, mutant or otherwise) in any given film. This is an unfortunate side effect most drive-in mutant monsters bring to the table, and it just so happens that Hard Ticket to Hawaii had to learn that, well, the hard way. Other than the (admittedly slight) lack of quality boobage though things are as good as they ever were in Andy Sidaris Land, as we’re once again looking at a damn fine example of b-movie action and quite possibly the best sleazy action flick of 1987. Playboy Playmates Donna Speir and Hope Marie Carleton star in this one and, while they’re not quite as personable (read: naked as often) as Lynda Wiesmeier and Lori Sutton in Malibu Express, they still do a pretty good job with the subject matter. Incidences of shirtless dudes are also down, and the gun play and explosions are quite a bit better than in the last film. The pacing and editing are also much better this time out so, really, pretty much everything is up from last time. Except the one (or is it two?) things that should be… Scenes To Look Out For: - Considering everyone was pretty much aware of just how dangerous that mutant snake was you’d think they would have had something more than a few pieces of plywood keeping it from eating everyone. Hell, even some chicken wire or maybe a plastic bag would have worked a lot better than that ol’ orange crate. - So…we’ve got a skateboard assassin…with a shotgun…using a blow-up doll as a “human” shield…being blown up (in mid-air no less) by a muscleman with some sort of Phantasm 2 inspired four chamber bazooka. I…I don’t think there’s anything I can add to that sentence to make it any more awesome. - Razorblade Frisbee! Officially replacing the spiked football of DOOM from Prom Night 3 as the best (thrown) sporting equipment related death scene ever. The Story: A group of sexy secret agents (or special ops or something – to be honest I’m not entirely sure what they are but they seem to be allowed to carry guns and kill folks with impunity, so I’m assuming the government is involved somehow) hang around Hawaii and do battle with some drug smugglers. And a mutant snake. And a transvestite. What’s up with the trannies in these movies? Anyway, Hard Ticket to Hawaii sticks pretty closely to that standard action movie cliché of everyone showing up and getting into it without much instigation, and to be fair, that really kind of works in a movie like this where a character’s motivations aren’t quite as important as how they look in swimwear. Not that that’s a bad thing – and I mean ever. After Shocks: Boobs, bombs, car chases, kung fu, motorcycle chases, helicopter explosions, those claw things from Enter the Dragon, a Halloween closet scene homage complete with spear gun action, a four chambered bazooka, and a bullet proof (though sadly not bazooka proof) mutant snake with a taste for beautiful women – quite possibly the best time anyone’s ever had in Hawaii while (mostly) sober. I’m calling it a 4 out of 5 – check it out! Hard Ticket to Hawaii is available on Volume One of the Bullets, Bombs, and Babes Andy Sidaris DVD collection. Once again this is a great DVD loaded with extra features (including a great behind the scenes thing with Andy and a half nekkid Julie Strain), trailers, and director’s commentary. Check out www.andysidaris.com for more information or to pick up your (autographed) copy of the DVD. |
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