| MALIBU EXPRESS YEAR: 1985 RATED: R RUN TIME: 105 MINS DIRECTOR: ANDY SIDARIS STARRING: DARBY HINTON, LORI SUTTON, SYBIL DANNING, LYNDA WIESMEIER MY RATING: 4.5/5 CATEGORY: ACTION Darby Hinton channels his inner Tom Selleck in Malibu Express, the first in a long line of badass Andy Sidaris action flicks which went the obvious route (which is strangely the route most other action director’s didn’t take back in the eighties) and packed in damn near as many boobs as they did bombs (and bullets). And babes. And eventually mutant snakes. And Julie Strain. We’re talking Playboy Playmates, Sybil Danning, and a whole mess of bared breasts the whole way through – too damn many breasts for even a b-movie master like me to count. And yes, that’s a good thing – a damn good thing – and so is everything else in Malibu Express. This is b-movie making at it’s finest fiends, with every scene, every character, and every plot point specifically designed to fit even more of those two staples of drive-in action flicks – gorgeous gals and gun fights – in. My only problem with Malibu Express (much like my problem with many other action flicks of the era– James Bond I’m lookin’ at you) is that the story seems to drag on about fifteen minutes too long and the same ground seems to be gone over a few too many times in the interest of adding additional gunfights (which almost make up for it) and additional scenes of Cody’s Playmate neighbours (which totally make up for it). This is really more a knock against traditional action adventure/caper movie ergonomics than Malibu Express, but the point still stands… Scenes To Look Out For: - What’s hotter than Lynda Wiesmeier (Miss July 1982) slinking around in a racing suit? Lynda Wiesmeier slinking out of a racing suit and sporting the name June Khnockers. That’s right, Khnockers with an “h” – we do have some class ‘round these parts. - Talk about dumb luck. Cody Abilene has to be the first b-movie character ever to wander around the desert and not only not be eaten by cannibalistic hillbillies, but molested by a goddamn model-cum-cowgirl who eventually gives him yet another sports car. Christ, and I figure I’m doin’ good when they don’t spit in my soup down at Big Earl’s Beef Pit. - Wet t-shirt shootout! Just when you thought shit couldn’t possibly get any better Lori Sutton (who actually wasn’t a Playmate though she did play one in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) goes and hides in a running shower and blows a couple of guys away in a see thru white wifebeater. Now, I know the word “genius” is tossed around a lot lately, but… The Story: Good ol’ boy private eye Cody Abilene is hired to investigate some dicey computer operations (which we used to refer to as them damn ruskies buying up top secret American technology) and winds up seeing a lot more than microchips if you know what I mean. The good news is there’re a hell of a lot more beautiful (and more importantly, nekkid) women around these computers than usual. The bad news is there’re also a lot more muscle-bound toughs hanging around lookin’ to end ol’ Cody’s lucky streak for good. Kind of a fair trade if you ask me. After Shocks: I don’t know about you fiends, but I think this just might be the best action movie of 1985. We’re talking car chases, kung fu, gun fights, explosions, helicopters, race cars, millionaire transvestites, Playboy Playmates, Sybil Danning, and quite possibly the highest breast count of any “real” action movie ever – 4.5 out of 5 – an instant classic and must see for any fan of drive-in or cult cinema. You can pick up your copy of Malibu Express on the first volume of the Triple B (that’s Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) Collection at www.andysidaris.com. It’s loaded with extra features including a slick behind the scenes feature with Andy and a topless Julie Strain, trailers, commentary, and lots of other cool stuff. Visit andysidaris.com for more information. |
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